Fitness Wrap Up and Frustration

I added a couple of columns to my fitness chart – calories consumed and calories burned. As you can see, I don’t net too many calories. Total weight loss in the last 30 days? One pound. Yes, folks, one whole pound. Talk about frustration. I have 4 more pounds to lose. Even if I decide to accept these four pounds and stay at this weight, you can see that I will still not be able to consume many calories. Is it the elevated cortisol? Don’t know, hopefully the endocrinologist can shed some light on this. I am doing a 24 hour cortisol test today to get more complete information.

Remember my special treat last week – a Krispy Kreme donut? I had another special treat last night – frozen yogurt. My daughter, Princess Lemon, is the maven of all things frozen yogurt in the Washington DC area, and proclaimed that Pinkberry is the best. So last night we drove down to Dupont Circle to visit Pinkberry. Lemon Jr. went across the street to the Shake Shack to get a burger and fries. Shake Shack is his newest favorite burger place.

I got a small Salted Caramel yogurt with crushed heath bars, dark chocolate crisps and a sprinkle of sea salt.

OK, this was to die for. Calorie count? 300.

So you know what I did? I made this my dinner. I know that is not a good thing to do, but I’m trying. Two weeks ago I wouldn’t have even eaten this, so I’m taking baby steps people. Maybe one day I’ll actually eat frozen yogurt as dessert and not as my meal.

I met with my health coach this afternoon, and I was in a foul mood when I got there. A combination of dealing with these medical tests, frustration about my weight loss (or lack of weight loss), and not getting much sleep last night. Unfortunately I took it out on her, but she is so sweet and patient. One of my assignments from two weeks ago was to buy an outfit or piece of clothing that made me feel and look fabulous. She asked me if I did it, and I told her that I did not do it, and why? Because nothing can make me feel or look fabulous. I don’t like the way I look and a certain piece of clothing is not going to make me change that. I told her that I want to like my body and like the way I look from within me, not from wearing certain clothes. She totally agreed with me, but she felt that if I could find something that made me feel good it would start me down the path of liking myself better. I think her plan backfired.

We got into a discussion about how I do not like to shop, and she was surprised. Surely there are people who don’t like to shop? We went back to my childhood and how I hated buying clothes then. I was very tall, and there were no tall sizes. I couldn’t dress like everyone else, I couldn’t dress cutely because nothing fit. My sister loved to shop, because she was 5’2″ and could wear all of the cute clothes.

To this day, I do not like to shop. I order things online, I buy from my Cabi consultant, and if I absolutely have to, I will go to the mall with a specific purpose in mind. I love running stores though! And DSW. So now I have a new assignment – just find a little store that I like. I don’t even have to go into it, just find one that I think I could tolerate being in. I remember being in Banana Republic a couple of months ago because the clothes in the window looked really nice. I actually tried on a bunch of items, and absolutely nothing looked good on me. Logically I know this is not because there is anything wrong with me, it is just that Banana Republic clothes are not made for my body. But it was discouraging, and brought back lots of bad feelings about shopping.

I also felt bad because I had an assignment to make the chocolate pudding, which I made. But I didn’t eat any of it. Hey, can I help it if I can find the loopholes in the assignments? Just kidding, I know I am only hurting myself by doing this. But my health coach did not even ask me about the chocolate pudding and I didn’t bring it up. She didn’t ask about the frozen yogurt, and I also didn’t bring that up. Sigh.

I came home and made my rainbow chard. You know what? I don’t like rainbow chard. Even sauteed with olive oil, garlic, basil and walnuts, it tasted like dirt and weeds. Not that I eat dirt and weeds, but this is what I imagine dirt and weeds to taste like. I don’t think I’ll be buying rainbow chard anytime soon.

I’m sorry if this is somewhat of a downer post. I think I need to get to bed early tonight and go for a nice long run tomorrow morning. I’ll feel better.